I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize