I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found puke in my bra..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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