May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize