If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
