Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
