FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
