you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
