i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
