never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
