i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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