New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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