I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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