Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize