Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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