A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize