Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
