were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
