No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
