my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
