Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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