dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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