I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
