Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
