dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
