its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
