do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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