just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
