Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
