i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
