Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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