I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need water and some morals
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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