Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So apparently I’m into choking now
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