my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
