He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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