Small penises have feelings too.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
