Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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