The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
smell my finger.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
