TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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