I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
