she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
