you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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