i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
