Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize