After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Randomize
