You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
