I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
