if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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