I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
