i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
