Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She even gives head with a lisp.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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