Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she told me i tasted like america
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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