I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i dont even know how to be here
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
