i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
