i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
