He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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