yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
