you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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