Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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