So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
