Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
