How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
