the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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