walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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