I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
