plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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