last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
