And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Randomize
