that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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