The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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