Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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