I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize