I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
