Why does Corona taste like a burp?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
be right there i have to get my cape
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
