Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
