i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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