Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
