The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize