Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
