I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
