Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
