I didn't shave. On purpose
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
a search helicopter?!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
