Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
