had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
