So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
