I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
