I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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