um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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