Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
