i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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