There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
